we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
