Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
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