hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
