I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
