Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
