But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
