I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
He is an equal opportunity slut.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Randomize
