My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
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