I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
