Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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