question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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