She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
No subtext here. People are naked.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
