Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
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