Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Just pee around me
Come share oat with me in your robe
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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