Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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