you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
me + whiskey = a bad person
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
