I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
