I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
