i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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