How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
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