My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
nutella sex= disaster
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
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