Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
