I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
my god I love twenty year old dicks
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