apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Randomize
