So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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