True but thats because hes a fetus.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
