You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I am available for nakedness
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Randomize
