oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
