Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
