he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
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