how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
My vagina just recognized that song.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
