I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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