I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
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