Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
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