if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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