It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
