Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
