Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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