i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
