my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I can tuck mytits in my pants
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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