Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Randomize
