I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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