somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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