my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
i think i have herpe
just one?
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
