i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
