They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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