I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
