dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
