gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
