just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS