Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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