my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
