Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
