I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
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I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
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Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
These tits shall not be calmed
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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