bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
ttyl tear gas
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Randomize
