He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
