If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
