I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Randomize
