Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
