i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
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