can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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