how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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