i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
