It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
