if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
