I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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