Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Randomize
