fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
everyone is single if you try hard enough
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
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