How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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