what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
