I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
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yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
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and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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