This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Randomize
