The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
