So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I should be sponsored by Trojan
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Randomize
